Lessons Long in the Learning

After a year in Charleston, the journey continues.

My internship with the Ports Authority went nowhere, and I was fortunate enough to get laid off from my job reading meters; otherwise I would have kept reading and kept "looking" around here without, I suspect, much luck. Now, I migrate to Columbia to live with my brother and continue my search in higher altitudes. It will be cheaper staying with John, although the prospect of sharing a house with him doesn't exactly thrill me. Still, beggars can't be choosers, and being exempt from paying rent is worth a few doubts.

I have learned a lot down here, mainly about myself. I've learned that I have a problem with assertiveness that I still need to address, and that, given the chance, will lapse into complacentcy. I've learned that real life is harder, crueler, and more boring than I had previously believed. I've also learned that I'm the only one who can make something of my life, so I'd better get busy getting... well, busy.

My plan, such as it is, is to go to Midlands Tech in the Spring to pursue a degree in Information Technology. My thinking was that, since I like computers so much, learning more about them for a future job only made sense. I dunno. Like almost everything else in my life, I am consumed with doubt. Part of me would like a career as a copywriter, but I'm not sure how to turn the few freelance jobs I've done into a salaried (or consistently paid, at least) job. Maybe I just need to work up the courage and call some companies.

With all the time I've had recently, I've come to realize just how desperately fear and doubt grip my soul. I have been tasked by Kaysha to write a comic script for her, and though I've written down the rough draft, I have trouble bringing myself to revise it into something worth reading. In the same way, I find it hard to bring myself to start on a story idea I had while talking to Kaysha on the phone not long ago. Whenever I imagine myself sitting before the screen of my laptop, hands on keys, my inner critic rises up in vile joy, voice dripping the poison I drink like wine. I struggle to find pleasure in creative acts like writing, drawing, or sculpting and can't help but wonder how common my battle is.

I finished watching the anime Fruits Basket today, and found it insanely cute. I've been wanting to watch it for some time and was glad to find that it didn't disappoint.

Oh, yes, for all of you in Asheville area, do please begin plotting something for Kaa-san's birthday two weeks from now. I'll be coming up for it, and it'd be great if all of us could do something fun and shameless.

In addition, it looks like the annual Charlotte Renn Faire outing will be taking place on the first weekend in November, with Kaysha and I joining my friends from Charleston and possibly Jeromie and Liz. Any other interested parties feel free to participate. But be prepared for group shanties.


Twilight out.

Con Man

Ah, DragonCon. Four days of concentrated geekdom. I would venture that this was a good year, especially logistically. Rooming arrangements were well managed and two cars managed to carry seven people with luggage and costumes.

I'm resisting the urge to list all the regrets I bring back with me from the weekend. I find it strange that those are the first things to rise during my mental assessment. Then again, perhaps it's not so strange, considering how I handicapped myself from the start in my thoughts. When Friday morning rolled around with the official beginning of Con, I remember thinking to myself that no matter what I did or how precious I tried to make each moment and every panel, soon it would all be a memory. Everything in life falls away to memory, I said to myself, and you will be left alone on the shores of nostalgia looking back to times gone by.

Not very productive to start out Con so fatalistically, but there I was. Had I thought upon it, I could have mounted a counterargument, but my obsessive tendencies resisted my efforts at a brighter outlook. Their resistance wasn't enough, though. After all, it is Con. How can anyone stay depressed?

Thankfully, I come away from DragonCon with more than morbid reflections on the nature of life. It was a good Con, although I feel like I missed a lot of panels. Admittedly, I did nod off during Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow. One also has to set aside one day of Con (either in whole or in pieces each day) to tour the Dealer's Room and Exhibitor's Hall. I didn't buy anything other than food this Con, but I still enjoyed strolling past tables of wonderfully geeky merchandise with Kaysha. There was even an exhibitor who asked me back to his booth so he could take a picture of me in my Inquisitor outfit (with Kaysha beside me in her Leeloo costume). We were told the picture would be up on the website sometime after Con. With the two or three other people who recognized me from Mutant Chronicles, I think I did better than last year. Everything held together better, too (though I'm finally giving up on magnets).

There were a few other notable panels. The first one schedule-wise that I got really excited over was a presentation on Bose-Einstein Condensates and Fermi Superfluid Gases. Not a little of it went over my head, but I did manage to grasp some things about them I didn't know. The speaker was very personable, too, and cracked jokes while talking high science. I also went to some of the writing panels, but they really didn't tell me anything useful.

I enjoyed the Star Trek panel with Brent Spiner (Data), Gates McFadden (Dr. Crusher), and Jonathan Frakes (Riker), even though very little of the actual show was discussed. The three of them were having a good time making jokes and cutting up. Some fans might have wanted more decorum, but I was glad to see people other than attendees enjoying being at DragonCon. They weren't put off by the fans, either. The audio was so bad on the stage that they couldn't hear the questions being asked, so they eventually had the audience members come up to their table and ask them directly. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, but its difficult to get the image of a terror-stricken Summer Glau from last year's Firefly panel out of my head whenever I see stars at conventions.

The 2nd Annual Masquerade Mock-Viewing was lots of fun, with more respectable entrants than last year. See you at the crossroads, Onikaze.

I also managed to try the flight simulator hosted by the Orbital Commerce Project. Even though it seemed like a modified Microsoft Flight Simulator, it was a fun setup with faux cockpit and a full-wall projection. More than the simulation itself, I was glad to see serious tech companies trying to tap into the intellectual curiosity of sci-fi and fantasy fans. I will risk sounding like a regret in saying that I hope to spend more time in the Science and Space tracks next year.

Oh, and were the corsette vendors new this year? Some of Kaysha's friends came by to buy one while Kaysha herself was trying one on for size. Then, later, Beth was wearing one she had bought. I almost feel left out. Maybe they'll have codpieces next year?

After all the rushing and long days and late nights, I look back on DragonCon and see it as a kind of dessert. If you could divide the year in two, then you would have New Years and DragonCon. When you have an event once a year, it's hard not to anticipate it with a fierce longing. And when it arrives, you might be neurotic enough to distract yourself worrying over whether you're making the most of those precious few days. Would going to more Cons help? Maybe a RoundCon here and there to slake that thirst for geek concentrate?

Ah, well. It was fun. I shouldn't try to make more of it than that. Plenty of other things out there to keep a nerd busy.


Twilight out.