In Silence Kept

No updates since May.

Yeah, I guess that's par for me. Though, recently, I haven't been in the mood for anything productive save costume work for DragonCon. Things have happened that I have only told some of you about.

First off, I no longer read meters. The company I was working for, Bermex, lost its contract for Charleston in mid-July and was replaced by another meter-reading enterprise. Given the option of continuing as a meter-reader, I decided not to transfer over to the new group. I was making no progress where I was, so I hoped to get some motivation by not having the meter reading to fall back on.

Not surprisingly, I panicked. Feeling desperate for work, I took a position with United American Insurace in sales, for which I am now being trained. I have had a bad experience in sales before that I thought would have kept even the idea of sales from taking root in my mind, but for some reason I felt the need to be certain if sales was something I could do or something that was, as might be evidenced now, my favorite mistake.

I am only a few days in, and I don't really know how to rate it. Its certainly scary, but I wonder if its not something that I can do if I remove other options from my mind. If it treat it as a job that has to be done, perhaps I can grin and bear it? I remain unsure. Especially after being left in a small room this morning to take an online test and finding an affection for sitting in a quiet place to work on a computer. If I quit, I quit, and will not mourn the passing.

I am also pestered, you could say, by remaining options should this current effort not pan out. Arnold reminds me of the many shops in Charleston that occasionally have 'Now Hiring' signs up, like Target. My concern with retail work is whether such jobs would pay enough for me to live in Charleston. Also, pride. It is shameful for me to admit, as there isn't much basis for this feeling, that I think I could do better. Having never worked in retail, though (and with few credentials for the jobs I've been looking for), this is an unwarranted arrogance. I suspect that I will not truly find success until I take on a job that will force me to learn some humility.

There is also the possibility, posed to me by my mother, of moving to Columbia and living with my brother. Although I am not quick to jump at the idea, it would reduce my living expenses to the point that I could work a simple (even retail) job somewhere if nothing else was to be found and go to Midlands Tech in my spare time (which I was preparing to do before I came down to Charleston).

Whatever I do, I still plan to pursue freelancing. I have done some writing on a paid and volunteer basis of late, and have found it becoming less intimidating than normal. I have researched some PR and Ad firms, and I hope to contact or visit them sometime to inquire about both a job and independent work.

So, I am uncertain, of wavering confidence, and spoiled. I suspect that there is not a little resentment now leveled at me. Not much I can do about that, really. This is my blog, and a primary avenue for my angst. I do apologize for not speaking of these things in my life earlier to those who have only now learned. I was ashamed of these things, and of the choices I have made (which would suggest a rethinking of sticking with them). I was also afraid of the scorn and derision I might receive. Normally I am used to the sarcasm and bare opinions to be found here in Charleston, but I am far more hesitant with things like these that are so sensitive to me and which can so easily rattle what self-esteem I can muster.

In happier news, Kaysha graduated from college this past weekend. I drove up to watch her walk and help her celebrate with her family. It was a good weekend. Such a good weekend. She will be coming down to visit me in Charleston and help celebrate my birthday the weekend before DragonCon, and we'll be helping Roger move while we're at it. Oh, I also got to make some progress with Stardust. Mmm.

So... I don't really know how to wrap this up. After such a long drought of updates, I feel I should say more. I'm in a poor frame of mind right now, and my thoughts are jumbled. I think there will be things to update soon, so I'll leave further thoughts until then.


Twilight out.